Saturday, December 11, 2010

"if you're not going to vegas fast, you're not going to vegas right"

Remember that time we went to Vegas right in the middle of end-of-the-semester insanity?

Midget Elvis.
Fountains at the Bellagio.
Classy Saturday.
Singing God Bless the USA at the top of our lungs with drunk grandmas.
6 cups of Diet Coke at dinner and having to pee in every major casino.
Kyle winning big ($5 baby!)
Taking awkward family pictures at the M&M factory

I love Vegas more than any Mormon girl ever should.
The lights, the crowds, the FREEDOM.

Take me back, please.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

it's a party in the li-brar-ayy

I'm sitting in the library writing a paper that is worth 95% of my grade. It is 11pm the night before it's due, and I have less than half of my rough draft done.

Of course, I'm on Facebook with the rest of my classmates trying to one up each other on how much we've still got to write. Because college isn't about putting everything you've got into each assignment, and the Philosophy department certainly knows we all only spend a few hours on these huge papers. The skill you need to acquire here is the ability to write incredibly long, eloquent philosophical analysis the night before it's due. If you've accomplished this then you've succeeded.

If only I'd discovered this sooner.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

my fair lady forever

Professor Henry Higgins.

The first man I ever fell in love with.

"You see, the great secret, Eliza, is not a question of good manners or bad manners, or any particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls. The question is not whether I treat you rudely, but whether you've ever heard me treat anyone else better."

Saturday, November 27, 2010

There's something about coming home that helps me put everything in perspective. Removing myself from "the real world" and sitting at the kitchen table with my family.

Lots of time to think.

Thinking about who I am.
Who I want to be.
What I want.
What I need.
Where I'm going to end up.

I'm at this exciting/scary point in my life.
Graduating from college in April.
After that?
I can go wherever I want to go.
Be whoever I want to be.
Big city, small town.
Grad school or career.
Settle down or run around.

I want it all.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Friday, October 22, 2010


It happens every two weeks.

To celebrate, my roommate Aly and I pump up NSYNC's Just Got Paid (Friday Night).

Because it's Friday night. And we just got paid.

We ignore the fact that this paycheck will hardly cover rent.
We don't think about the groceries we need to buy.
You mean people actually have money in their savings account?


At least for tonight, we're rich.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Anyone who tells you that doesn't exist in college is lying to you, big time.

I guess I've just sat on the couch after midnight staring at blank word documents while my mint medley herb tea gets cold one too many times.

Oh yeah, I'm going to grad school after this.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

sleeping all day, staying up all night

I'm so sore from my Half Dome hike, I can hardly make it down the stairs. My blisters are still healing, and it'll take some time before my awkward farmer's tan is gone. I still haven't put away my Ravenclaw tie, it's laying next to my empty bottle of pumpkin juice. The thought of getting into a car for 12 hours tomorrow is bringing back memories of trying to stay awake while driving through Kansas in the middle of the night as we trekked across the country.

Remember that time we almost got struck by lightning?
How we had free butterbeer at Hogwarts?
When we took a 45 minute nap at the top of Half Dome?

This summer has been incredible to say the least. Summer of irresponsibility, summer of adventure. The perfect playlist, new dresses and hours of skype. Sunset by the Mississipi, afternoons next to the pool and some excellent books.

Finishing packing up my room now, trying to shove all of my belongings into two suitcases. Still trying to figure out why I thought bringing home so much stuff was a good idea. Pretty soon I'll be off to the beach to spend my last night in California.

Guess what? Fall 2010 is finally here.

Monday, August 16, 2010

I keep writing.

And I keep deleting.

The words aren't coming out right.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

don't stop believing

hold on to that feeling.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

who needs cash when you've got love?

I just spent six days in Orlando, FL at Infinitus. Since the moment I landed, I've been struggling to find the words to describe what I was seeing, thinking and feeling. My journal entries from the trip consisted of "I cannot describe how magical this was" or "how am I suppose to put this feeling into words? This struggle has continued as I've come back home and had to respond to the "how was it?" question.

How was it? What was it like to legit be at Hogwarts with some of the most amazing people I've ever met? How did it feel to scream Don't Stop Believing, watch the Harry Potter Alliance receive $250,000 and talk about how Potter has changed my life until unheard of hours of the morning?

I cannot even describe the feeling.

I am the luckiest girl in the entire world. I cannot believe that I have had the privilege to know the people that I know and to experience the things I have experienced through Harry Potter. Looking back over this trip and the past six years of my life, I wonder what I did to deserve all of this. I have been able to spend time with Harry Potter, and the people that have made this fandom incredible. The friends, the inside jokes, the stories that we all retell until everyone in our "real life" tells us to shut up. How will I ever repay JK Rowling?

Happiness that cannot be explained.

I walked through Hogsmede at night, towards Hogwarts with a butterbeer in hand. It really happened. And I hope I never forget this feeling.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

revolutionary, i know.

Even as an aspiring philosopher amateur logician (could I sound more pretentious? Yes. It's what I go to school for) I have to admit something - emotions trump logic. Always.

I was on the phone with my roommate/best friend/occasional partner in crime this evening, venting about what every other 21 year old girl would vent about - a boy. You've all been there, you all know what I'm talking about. We finished discussing his character flaws and exchanging the latest terrible thing he'd said or done and hung up. A few minutes later she txted me saying something along the lines of "you know, maybe we should just ignore the people that hurt us. revolutionary, I know."

But it really is.

Somewhere between the silly facebook messages and late nights driving in his car, all the "bad stuff" just falls away. I forget when it hurts because most of the time it doesn't. Because somehow feeling like somebody cares, like you're trusted and important is better than knowing that you're just like everybody else. It's something that we as humans crave, the thrill and rush of being somebody. So we keep picking up the phone, keep laughing at the jokes that aren't really funny, keep waiting around to finally be the exception. But it's a vicious cycle that leaves us sulking on the floor of our bedroom or blogging on a Wednesday night. And tomorrow I'll wake up and forget about feeling hurt or angry or tired and jump right back in. Head first.

And so will you.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The view from our house on the Outer Banks.
Can we stay here forever, please?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Celestial Haven

I'm sitting here with my computer open trying to think of something clever to write. All us kids are back at our beach house while the adults finish up our extremely unfair and biased wallyball tournament. Halfway through the trip, and we're all kind of exhausted. Instead of trying to be witty and entertaining I'm just going to highlight some of the best parts of the trip (mostly for you, dad!) before it's time to head back to the beach.

- Paige got stuck in the World's Largest Hammock
- Playing in the ocean for hours, and then going back for more
- Kayaking on the sound right behind our house
- It was raining and pouring, so instead of sitting around the house we went into the hot tub, where we all sat in the downpour getting soaked. Since we were already wet, we decided to run down the pier in our swimsuits with the thunder and lightning flashing all around us.
- More rain again this morning, and we were sick of sitting around inside. So we jumped on our bikes wearing nothing but our swimsuits and rode down to to beach with our boogie boards. In the storm we rode the waves until the current was too strong.
- Laying in the sun at the beach
- Searching for sand crabs
- Running around with the cousins
- World Cup breaks at 2:30pm

I'm kind of exhausted. But this trip has been one of the best, and I'm glad it's far from over. More adventures to come!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

"sounds like a personal problem"

By the time I found myself washing my face and cleaning off as much as possible in the Welcome to Kentucky visitor center bathroom, we'd been on the road for over 24 hours. As Paige and I stumbled out of the car, a little girl next to us stared at Paige and said to her mom, "that girl looks crazy!" True we'd all hit a low point in the hygiene area, but who in the world is this little girl?!

Utah. Colorado. Kansas. Missouri. Illinois. Kentucky. Tennessee.

We're currently outside of Nashville, having stopped to watch the USA world cup game (which we lost, by the way. But that's a different topic that I cannot get into without spewing for hours) and get some real sleep before the final 12 hour push to our destination in North Carolina.

Between the Kentucky bathroom and my now-showered state in this Tennessee hotel room we had quite the adventure. We were all getting tired, so as we came up to Nashville we decided to turn off the freeway and explore the city a little bit. Just as we began our self guided tour of a place none of us had ever been to before, it started pouring rain like I've never seen. The streets were almost flooding as we inched our way through downtown, shouting things like "drop me off at that bar so I can watch the world cup with my fellow Americans!" and "I wanna see some real legit country stuff" etc etc. We were squinting out the windows looking at some metal towers when lightning struck right by our car. All five of us screamed. Lightning! We were almost struck by lightning! Mom took that as our cue to leave, and we drove back to the freeway in search of a hotel that had a pool and free wifi.

Between games of Factory or City?, screaming Miley Cyrus while driving through Kansas City at 1:30AM and taking jumping pictures at almost every state sign I'd say we've been making pretty good time.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Hosking World Domination 2010

And by World Domination, I mean Domination of the I-70.

My mom, siblings and I are packing up and driving across the country. Why? Why not. Knowing us, it'll be an adventure filled with obnoxious singing, hilarious inside jokes and less bathroom breaks then we'd like. My mom, Paige and Abby are already on their way from California to Utah, where they'll pick up Jake and I. We've made the drive between California and Utah more times than I can even count, but a cross country roadtrip is something we have yet to conquer.

Since something entertaining is bound to happen across those 3,000 miles I figured I'd better blog about it. Starting tomorrow, look forward to annoying pictures I've taken from the front seat (yeah I just called it) that aren't funny to anyone but me, quotes from Jake and a list of songs we've been screaming along to.

Abby and I will also be tweeting more than necessary. Follow us!@hannahetoile & @MissAbbyCadabby

Midwest America, get ready.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

i am a contradiction.

How come as soon as I'm getting everything I've wanted, I don't want it anymore?

I swear, I'm never satisfied.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

no need to say goodbye

Leaving Provo is always hard.

Cleaning out my desk drawer, sifting through movie tickets, sticky notes with funny quotes and to do lists and old pens with no ink left. Throwing away tests and papers, gum wrappers and receipts from one too many trips to get ice cream.

I'll miss my friends. I'll miss campus. I'll miss Y mountain and waiting at the light to cross University Ave. I'll miss my crappy apartment, not knowing anyone in my ward and laying by the pool all afternoon.

But, I know I need a break.

Summer belongs to Potter, not Provo.

It's Potter season. The Infinitus Google doc, booking flights and creating packing lists. The "I'll see you soon!" comments on facebook are flooding my news feed. We'll be at Hogwarts in less than a month.

Monday, June 14, 2010

because most of the time, i just want to be a mom

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Friday, June 4, 2010

Awkward Times in the Laundry Room

I hate the laundry room. People always seem to walk in right as you’re pulling your undies out of the dryer. I hate making awkward conversation with random acquaintances, and I hate it even more when I’m washing my clothes.

Today was no different. I was pulling my undies out of the dryer (see, timing is everything) and he walks in. EQP is beautiful. I like to refer to him as my husband. He has been in my ward at church since August, and we’ve yet to have a real conversation – but that hasn’t stopped me from being “madly in love with him” because I totally am. I didn’t see him at first, but then he walked past me (again, as I’m pulling out my undies) and says hello.

EQP: Hey.

Um, why are randos talking to me in the laundry room? I turn around. EQP YESSSSSSS BUT WHY NOW.

Me: Oh, hey.

EQP: Hannah, right?

Me: Yeah. And I know I’m suppose to know you’re name, but I don’t…

Good job Hosking. Try and be smooth. I’m totally lying, and he knows it. I creep on him every Sunday and sometimes during the week, of course I know his full name. First, last, middle. I’m good.

EQP: It’s ____ (what if he’s secretly in love with me and stalks my blog? I CANNOT REVEAL THIS INFORMATION. Well. I could.) Nice laundry, Hannah.

Crap. The undies.

Me: Haha, well thanks. You too I guess?

EQP: Haha I guess.

Me: Well, have a nice day.

EQP: You too, see ya.

I grab my laundry bag and sprit out of there. Did I mention I was barefoot? Maybe that makes me seem ~down to earth. No, you’re right, it just makes me a crazy girl.

We’re so meant for each other, right?

i get by with a little help from my friends

You know what's funny? You meet people, and you just assume they'll be temporary friends. You know what I'm taking about, those few people you stumble across by chance and you figure it'd be nice to have their company for a while but doubt they'll stick around.

That happened to me once. I "met" some people in a chatroom (insert dirty old men comments here) and I hardly even knew their real names. I didn't think they'd be around for very long, and I'll admit I called them my "fake friends" for quite a while.

Well, I just booked a flight to go spend a week with those "fake friends" in Florida this summer, five years after we first met. They're helping me get there because they genuinely love me. I'm actually sitting here at my computer in tears because I am so grateful for them, for YOU. Do I deserve this? Not really. I'm sure a lot of good could have been done with that money, a lot of people need help. But I am so blessed to have the friends that I do.

I've been struggling recently with some of my friends here in Provo. People leaving, people being shady. I just assumed the people I've met over this past year would be in my life forever, and while some of them will be most of them won't. But life is a funny thing - who would have guessed that my rando internet friends would be better than some of my "real" ones?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Potter Con planning to do :)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

summetime so far

The perfect playlist.
Biology homework by the pool.
Reading ten books since the end of April.
Dresses from Target.
Sunday dinner in the grass.
Open windows.
Planning epic adventures.

I cannot get enough of the sun.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

see you in another life, brother

I get attached to fictional characters. Really attached.

But hey, I'm a nerd. And I guess falling-in-love-with-people-who-don't-really-exist is just part of my resume. I think something Harold Bloom once wrote sums up everything I feel. He said, "Imaginative literature is otherness, and such alleviates loneliness. We read not only because we cannot know enough people, but because friendship is so vulnerable, so likely to diminish or disappear, overcome by space, time, imperfect sympathies, and all the sorrows of familial and passional life."

What brings about this sudden confession that I sometimes (actually mostly) prefer the fictional world to the real one? The series finale of LOST. Go ahead, laugh at me. I was laying on the couch watching the final minutes of the show, and I was sobbing. Like, uncontrollably sobbing at what was happening on the screen. A few of my roommates who have never seen the show joined me for the finale and they just stared at me. The screen went black, I turned off the TV, curled into a ball and continued to cry and cry and cry.

I guess it's easier for me to invest myself into something predictable, something I feel like I can control. And yes, I just did use the word "predictable" to describe LOST. There's a first time for everything. But really, as I was laying there crying thinking about Jack, Kate, Ben, Sayid, Hurley and all the Losties I've grown to love over the years I started to think - I'll actually miss these guys. While the "real world" is so unpredictable and difficult to handle, I always knew this: Jack was going to try and be the hero. Ben was going to be shady. The Island was going to do some crazy things. Locke was always going to be a man of faith. They couldn't ever leave me, they were always there week after week. I could invest everything I had into their stories because I knew none of them were going to leave halfway though. It was easy.

Maybe that's my biggest flaw, my inability to stay invested in the "real world" because it's too unpredictable, too hard. I'm forced to give my heart to actual people who have the ability to break it. I have to work for friendships, I have to let people in, I have to accept myself for who I am. I can't sit from a distance and yell at the screen, I can't shut the book when I need more time to think. Participating when the going gets rough. It's the hardest thing for me to do. To express how I feel, to tell people I'm upset or happy, hurt or excited - I've yet to learn how. Maybe I can try and learn as I spend more time with the fictional friends I've grown close to in my lifetime. Maybe I never will, maybe I'll end up old and alone in some attic apartment surrounded by characters instead of people. Or maybe someday, I'll have the courage to say exactly what I want to say to exactly the right people like every fictional character I've ever admired has done.

Until then, It's back to the Pilot episode of LOST. I think I need another six season run before I'm brave enough to face the future.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I turned 21 on Thursday, May 6th 2010.

On Saturday, May 8th I sat on the couch while my grandma read me a book about a cowboy and his lost horse.

21 is just a number.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I’m not packing up this weekend to go Mother’s Day Camping.

For the first time in 15 years, our camping pillows are not being pulled out of the bottom of the closet while Dad throws the tent in the back of the truck. The camping box is still on the shelf in the garage. Nobody will fight over having to sleep on the purple pad, I won’t call dibs on the right side of the tent.

Since forever we’ve gotten out of school early on Friday (and sometimes even on Thursday if we were lucky). We’ve thrown our gear into the car like professionals and driven to vaguely familiar locations. Lunchtime by the water. Exploring. Spoons Tournament. Campfire stories. Cards. Hiking. Jolly Ranchers. Boys v. Girls War. Manhunt. Then, as soon as we’re settled and dirty we pack everything back up and drive home on Sunday.

Melting spoons and the bottom of our shoes on the fire pit. Attempting to build a bridge across a small river. The Umph Tree. Indian corn. A two day long soccer game with a score of 56 to 64. Water wars. Tying people to trees. Ticks in our clothes. Riding a log down a river. Rope swing. The story of the Seven Crosses. Snipe hunting. Defending our firewood pile. Getting lost on the side of a mountain. Capture the flag. Eating 10lbs of potatoes in one night. Singing as we hike. The Cannibal Club.

Broken bones and broken hearts.

Epic afternoons and quiet evenings.

Growing from kids to teenagers to adults.

What I wouldn’t give to be sprinting down a mountain, pants ripped and dirty, hair in a braid (tied with a bow of course), screaming in the middle of an intense game of manhunt.

Here's to Mother's Day Camping 2011?

Friday, April 30, 2010


I realized the other day a lot of my friends don't even call me Hannah.

Miss Marin
Hannah Banana
Hannah Montana

I like my name. But I think a nickname is the best thing a friend can give.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

sometimes you can't make it on your own

I was three years old when I moved into the Clayton Valley First Ward.

Funny enough, nothing has really changed since then.

No matter how old we get, no matter how far we go, we'll always be those awkward 15 year old kids. We've always had each other, and we always will.

State lines separate us all (but for the first time in two years, we're all back on the same continent). Marriage. College graduation. Graduate school. Jobs. But it doesn't really seem to matter.

We'll always have those afternoons in Sunday School, hiding under the desks and playing pranks on all of our teachers. Awkward Stake Dances, Youth Conference (Jimbo III, anyone?) and camping trips. The more we grow up, the more we stay the same. We're pretty lucky...

And I wouldn't mind if we never really change.

Friday, April 16, 2010

I am a princess.
All girls are.
Even if they live in tiny old attics
(or a basement apartment in Provo, Utah)
Even if they dress in rags
(well I can't really claim this one)
Even if they aren't smart, or pretty, or young.
(up for debate?)
They're still princesses.
All of us.
Didn't your father ever tell you that?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I've got a lot to talk about these days.

But the trick has been trying to figure out how to say it, without actually saying it.

You follow?

Thursday, March 25, 2010

“There is in the living act of perception always something that glimmers and twinkles and will not be caught, and for which reflection comes too late. No one knows this as well as the philosopher. He must fire his volley of new vocables out of his conceptual shotgun, for his profession condemns him to this industry, but he secretly knows the hollowness and irrelevancy. His formulas are like stereoscopic or kinetoscopic photographs seen outside the instrument; they lack the depth, the motion, the vitality. In the religious sphere, in particular, belief that formulas are true can never wholly take the place of personal experience”
- William James, Varieties of Religious Experience

Monday, March 22, 2010

in our lovely deseret

To outsiders, dating life in Provo seems absurd. Married by 20? Old maids by 21? DTRs and PDTs, dates every weekend with random boys from Book of Mormon class, engagements announced every Sunday during Relief Society's "good news minute" (when will us perpetually single girls get to voice our bad news?).

To those inside, it's not any less complicated. Security rings and pulling the missionary card, studying on the 1st floor of the library rather than the 4th floor and avoiding eye contact in the JFSB are tactics I'm all too familiar with. I've been sidestepping my way though the BYU dating scene for three years now, and I've become somewhat of an expert at dodging and being too busy to go out with that boy from my 1:30pm class every Friday night for the past two months.

These girls blog about their dating experiences, not too different from my own. They're funny, they're witty, and I think they've got it right.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Monday, March 15, 2010

fake it to make it

"You're so smart Hannah. Seriously, you're one of the smartest people I know."

To be honest, I get that a lot. People see me as a type of Hermione Granger in the flesh, top of the class, straight A student. I care a lot about school, I spend a lot of time in the library, I'm majoring in must be true, huh?


I'm good at pretending.

Monday, March 1, 2010

School gets busier and busier.

I get less and less interested.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

"The prince of darkness may be a gentleman, as we are told he is, but whatever the God of earth and heaven is, he can surely be no gentleman. His menial services are needed in the dust of our human trials, even more than his dignity is needed in the empyrean."
- William James, Pragmatism

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Francis Cardinal George BYU Forum

Today Francis Cardinal George came to BYU to address the student body during our university forum. The title of his presentation was Catholics and Latter Day Saints: Partners in Defense for Religious Freedom. The Marriott Center was full, and the thought of half of the student body listening to this man preach philosophy and interfaith dialogue was pretty much a dream come true.

He discussed the importance of deepening the partnerships and friendships between Christian faiths through common interests and dialogue, standing together to promote morality and dignity in our society today. Society is working to reduce religion to a private reality, and if we do not use the freedom we have been given to voice our faith we may lose this privilege. Let us defend religious freedom, let us participate in the public sphere and let our voices be heard.

Talking together, working together, praying together - it is vital that those who proclaim faith in Jesus Christ stand together for what we all believe in. "Together we can become a true blessing for each other and the world" Francis Cardinal George said as his closing remarks.

Understanding the religious convictions of those around us is vital to our society today. We can work together to promote so much good in the world, if only we soften our hearts and open our minds.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Saturday, February 6, 2010

"Cinderella believed in dreams, all right, but she also believed in doing something about them. When Prince Charming didn’t come along, she went over to the palace and got him.”
- Walt Disney

Friday, February 5, 2010

in which i complain

You know those Friday mornings that come too quickly after a long and restless Thursday night? And you almost don't make it out of bed, but then you do and you feel like you've filled your quota of productivity for the day? But then you remember it's only 7:00am.

You know those mornings when you're trying to make bread and you can't find the 1/4 cup and you're too tired to guess and so you just stare at the kitchen drawer for 20 minutes because you feel like the world is ending?

You know those mornings when you're trying to finish up the essay you should have written last night, and you're just sitting at your desk, minding your own business and all of a sudden the chair your sitting on breaks and you're laying on the carpet trying to figure out how in the world a chair leg just magically falls off and then you realize maybe it's because you had seven pieces of pizza the day before and haven't really gone running since October.

And then you realize all your pants are dirty.
And your essay is still not done.
And Valentines Day is coming and you're going to have to survive through another one at this marriage obsessed school.
And there won't be time for a five hour Friday afternoon nap today.
And instead of fixing any of this, you just sit on the carpet an blog about it. Because that's how problems are fixed these days.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

where were we before the quake?

Like the rest of the world I've watched in horror as the situation in Haiti continues to unfold. Cities that have been completely flattened, the desperate need of food and water, bodies being piled into mass graves, pulling victims out of the rubble. It's terrifying, and I've come to appreciate more and more the luxuries I take for granted.

But at the same time I can't help but wonder - where were we before the earthquake hit?

Did you know that in Haiti only 40% of the children have access to basic health care? Half of the deaths are contributed to AIDS/HIV. The average Haitian makes $2 a day, making Haiti one of the poorest countries in the Americas. 80% fall below the poverty line. The literacy rate is about 65%.

It is a tragedy that an earthquake of this magnitude hit such a poor country at this time, but they needed help before this. I don't have much room to talk, seeing as I haven't given countries like Haiti a second thought since I took Geography my Freshman year here at BYU. But it makes me wonder why we need disaster to reach out to countries in need. The United States has been giving aid to Haiti (30% of Haiti's national budget comes from foreign aid), but how many people knew that? What more could we do if we realized how much we have, how much we can give?

Basically, I just want to remind everyone (and myself included) that there are so many countries and peoples that are in desperate need of help with or without natural disasters. Maybe if we paid more attention to the world around us we would be motivated to contribute to humanitarian efforts, or at least be more thankful for what we have.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

the faces stay the same

The eight of us were sitting in Digger’s Diner early Monday morning, ordering the same thing we’ve been ordering for years. At first glance you’d never be able to tell that we all spend 90% of the year away from each other, in different states with different friends. We laughed at the same jokes we told in high school, told the same stories and asked the same questions. From the outside, you’d never know.

I drove home that morning by myself. It was still early and the streets were quiet. I drove past Starbucks and the high school, past the swimming pool and the park. Everything was exactly the same as it always has been, and yet it felt so different – like I didn’t belong anymore. It felt like we were just going through the motions. We only had breakfast together because we had to, not because we really wanted to. Sure we were sitting at the same table laughing at the same things, but it was obvious that our minds were somewhere else. As I turned off the main road towards my house, it hit me: we were visitors in the city that once was ours.

Growing up is inevitable. Leaving home is just part of life. For a while we were able to come back in December and August and recreate the memories, postpone the feeling of intrusion, draw out the friendships we relied on for so many years. But I think we’re past that point now. As our little group of friends scatters across the globe we only have the memories, ones that now seem haunt us as we drive the streets we once knew.

As we continue to grow older and grow apart, as we graduate from college and move across the country, as we get married and start families of our own, we’ll always have the memories of each other. But I’m starting to realize that things cannot be the way they once were, and growing apart doesn’t mean caring less. We just have different lives now. It’s weird and it’s hard and dealing with this realization over the past week has been tough, but it’s part of life, there’s no way to stop it.

We’ll keep coming back home. We’ll continue to visit the places we used to frequent as kids, we’ll still laugh at the memories and keep each other updated on our new lives. But Concord belongs to a new generation. It’s time for us to go.